Chocolate & Coffee for a Hellish Earache

Earaches are a lot more painful than one might expect. They tend to get worse when the inflicted points their frontal lobe on a steep diagonal towards the floor. Perhaps the fluid moving around is what causes the pain? Whatever it is, it's not pretty.

I suffered an Ear (and Upper Respiratory) infection simultaneously in September 2008. I remember it vividly. Of course I had to go to the health center twice before they noticed my dilema. Overtime I came to understand their ways, however, and soon was perfectly fine with scheduling two appointments back to back. As long as I eventually get the help I needed.

Why is it that school nurses (from elementary school on) tend to think crackers and water are the world's quintessential panacea? Why not chocolate and coffee? Particularly I think, if we are sticking to food and drink as drugs, rather than antibiotics, chocolate and coffee would make me feel much better than crackers and water.

Anyway, I'm recovering from being super sick (yay alliteration!) but I am quite behind on my work. From press releases and festival updates to dance rehearsals and late night eblast creations, it's hard to keep up when you are feeling under the weather.

What's that mean anyway? Under the weather? As opposed to...over the weather? I guess technically the weather tends to exist in the sky. So over the weather could be synonymous to heaven. Because of this, I would think it acceptable to say you are feeling either...
1. Heavenly
or
2. Hellish
My under the weather, hellish, feeling seems to be disappearing. Thank God :D

LOST in the biggest city ever!

I don't take the toll road a lot, but I did this morning after getting very very lost. I somehow ended up going towards the Dallas Airport!

It was then that I saw the airport toll man. He seems very angry whenever I drive by his toll booth. Being such a happy outgoing person, I just can’t understand where his anger comes from. If I had the chance to be him for a day, perhaps I could find answers to this inscrutable dilemma of mine. Soon I would have answers to questions such as: How does he use the restroom? Doesn’t he get tired of standing so long? And, more importantly, does every passerby (as a courtesy) turn off their windshield wipers when paying the toll in the rain?

Sometimes when I meet angry people I would love to just go up to them and give them a huge hug. In our society, however, I'd probably have the police called on me! I also get this urge when I see cute children, especially those age 3-4. For example, the other day I was at the Dallas Aquarium and I saw a toddler running around. She was adorable in her red squeaky shoes. With every step she took her shoes let out a loud "sqqqqqqqqqueak." If her mother wouldn't think I was a child pedophile I would have smothered that tot in love.

Hooters. For the Food!

So my friend told me we should go to Hooters restaurant sometime soon. Seeing as she has always been boyfriendless, along with the fact that 2 of my past best girlfriends turned lesbian on me, I took a step back.

"What would we go to Hooters for?"

She told me "they have really good wings and fries." After a few minutes of fry description on her part, I interupted. "So you go there often?" I asked, with a sense that she, despite a lack of boob-ness, may have even worked there.

"Well yes of course, if I get the chance!"

Now my boyfriend has mentioned the same thing to me before. He says he has been to Hooters once and the food was AMAZING. I instantly dismissed such a statement as a typical guy lie. While I wanted to believe that people may actually enter the restaurant for the food, society norms told me differently.

Today's revelation that he may have, although I'm still doubtful, enjoyed the food just as much as, if not MORE than, the flesh-filled scenery was quite comforting.

I talk about sex and money a lot... but I'm not Jewish

Today a Jewish boy hit on me. Well, I assumed he was Jewish because he was wearing a Yamaka. Or maybe he was just a poser.

Whatever he was, he hit on me. BIG time flirt, but maybe he was just trying to be friendly? I just smiled and continued ordering my 6 piece chicken nugget while pondering why this boy was hitting on me to begin with. I didn't look good (makeup-less w.baggy sweats) and I didn't show any interest (my eyes were fixed on the menu with its inappropriately small font). Why would he flirt with me?

Maybe he thought I was Jewish too. I've had this happen many times. For example, when I was in eighth grade (at lil' Columbus School for Girls) my class had a tea party with a holocaust survivor. He discussed how some Jews survived by pretending they were not Jewish. Nevertheless, he informed us, some Jews look a bit too "Jewish" to get away with such lies.

"For example," he told us, "some of you in this room have a Jewish family background. Like you," he said pointing to me, "I can tell by your looks alone."

After the tea party I revealed to the nice old man that I was not Jewish.

"Well," he laughed, "if you were in Munich with me you might have been in trouble!"

This assumption may not be too far off. In fact, for a long time, I even thought my family was Jewish since most family dinners focus on discussion of money or sex. Whether we are authentically Jewish or not, however, remains a mystery. Their is a rumor that my great grandpa on my mother's side was a Hungarian Jew. The story says he fled Europe and changed his last name from Davis to Perrault. Whatever my ancestral history truly is, I have always been interested in Jewish culture. In particular, I have always wondered why the Jews have undergone so much hostility wherever they travel.

Throughout time, the Jewish people have suffered many acts of oppression. In Exodus the Jews suffered under Pharoh. In the mid- 1500’s Martin Luther published a treatise advocating their harsh oppression. In Germany, Hitler worked to extinguish their entire race. Nevertheless, the Jews always have hope!

Wishing for something has an uncertainty about it. Hoping, however, has the desire that one day it will indeed come true. Jews seem to have this desire.

Lack of hope can spur on feelings of discouragement and disillusionment. Perhaps this is what Jewish architect Menashe Kadishman was trying to show in his Segments, a piece of art I recently saw on display at the Nasher Sculpture Center. The disillusionment he created by using glass (see-through material) to support the aluminum (as is it were floating) may have reflected the disillusionment that developed when Hope disappeared. And yet, after each missing piece of the sculpture (after each glass segment) the viewer sees white. Perhaps this white is plain hope: a new and vast beginning. The fact that each white piece is balanced and defying gravity may also be the way the artist told his audience that the Jewish people were defying their oppression. Who knows?

Some research showed me that with the Israeli Declaration of Independence, the townspeople of Tel Aviv (where Kadishman is from) were, metaphorically, floating. Balancing (or basing) their lives on this new hope. To me, the word balance itself is almost synonymous to hope... When dancing especially I feel “hope” when “balancing” haha

Oh Tangents.

But yes, like I said...I'm not Jewish, so please don't hit on me.

But seriously, didn't he see my fake engagement ring? lol

Dieting has the word DIE in it

So I think I may create a new diet book. I would like to show a preview here:

Chapter:
1. If a cookie is broken, it has no calories.
2. Eating before, during and after working is essential.
3. One must always eat what their mother places before them.
4. Whatever food your grandma gives you must also be eaten.
5. Gum chewing aids in digestion.
6. It's ok to eat whatever you want as long as you no one saw it happen.
7. Chocolate is good for you.

8. Chocolate is good for you.

9. Chocolate is good for you.

Or perhaps a book about why NOT to diet would be much more entertaining. It would say...

Chapter:
1. Self-control is over-rated.
2. A hobo told me the world is ending in 2012 so there's no need.
3. You are actually comfortable with who you are.
4. Sitting on the floor is more comfortable the fatter you become.
5. Dieting is for Lent.
6. Healthy food upsets your stomach.
7. Dieting ultimately leads to death of the spirit.

...and much more

I Webcam Stalked my Mom Today

Today I decided to watch my mother (via webcam) while she spoke on the phone. Seeing as this is an event I have viewed my entire life, I thought trying to mimic her might be interesting. Unlike the average American mom of four children, she does not pace around hurriedly on a cell phone when speaking, or relax in a comfy chair. Conversely, she is constantly switching positions as she lay on the floor. One moment she looks like a Muslim praying to Mecca, while the next second one might mistake her for being a woman participating in an elite level yoga class.

One big part of my mom is that she is very loud and big with her motions. Perhaps stemming from her previous theater roots, my mother’s laugh is so energetic that video tapes of my childhood show that when she laughed, I cried (startled at the noise)! My mom also is always doodling on her calendar or whatever she can find nearby. Never staring into space, she is always intently focused over some paper or another when speaking with someone. Perhaps her need for concentration and quiet when speaking causes her to go into her common “shell” position on the ground.

Additionally, my mom will let the rest of the family know when she is tired of talking on the phone through her facial motions. Widening her eyes or raising her brows are the most commonly used gestures. Nevertheless, the occasional pretending often comes in handy to pull herself away from the phone. My family is known for their lengthy over-analytical conversations, causing my mom the need to sometimes use excuses to end her conversation. It is my favorite part of her phone routine!

One final aspect of her speaking on the phone is not something I viewed this weekend, but a trait that I recall from my childhood. Somehow my mom always seemed to make her speaking on the phone into playtime. From allowing me to swing from the freezer door, to pretending she was speaking with the “local orphanage” concerning my acceptance, my mom is constantly using her imagination. Her ability to multi-task is not quite as evident as she’s gotten older. Instead she must focus on one thing at a time when she is on the phone.

MOVING.

The implications are numerous. Each concluding with the final connotation of WORK.

1. A Garage Sale

Who doesn't love earning side cash by simply getting rid of old junk? A garage sale, however, is much more than a chance to earn it when you curb it (as I like to say). It's profiting off those pesky neighbors whose dog barks until 2am! It brings bartering across the Mexican-American border. Garage sales even may help you achieve your summer tan early. But, perhaps the most important aspect to consider, a garage sale is work.

Going through ALL of your belongings can take days! Only to find what you thought they were worth is questionable according to Ebay. Then there are the stickers and sharpie markings that follow; not to forget the careful arranging of "Sale at 5311 University" signs. Yes, in the end, all your planning may prove fruitful. Or, if you are like me, the only attendee that makes a purchase happens to also need that Census information you forgot to turn in.

2. Lots of Boxes

Sure, boxes are handy for transporting your stuff. From the awful candle holders that earn a box spot under the category of "family heirloom," to that dress that looks so good you don't dare wear it out of the house, boxes are a necessity to moving. Nevertheless, moving boxes are quite the diabolical necessity. Moving boxes will not move easily; it takes years of training and great dedication to master their deceptive charms.

By age 12, a fitting age for one's first move as the ability to accept change grows, one masters the folding of the box. Next, at age 18, it's off to college; one discovers how to best pack a box. The next stage in the moving life cycle is the taping of the box. Here the cunning scheme of the box itself begins.An approximate age is difficult to pin down as this stage can continue for decades. While some box theorists may argue taping is a simple level in box comprehension, many of us know full well the opposite as truth. The likelihood of taping a box down is dependent on three factors: finding of the tape on the roll, cutting the tape, and, finally, avoiding sticking the tape to something else (before initial box contact).

In addition to the aforementioned work surrounding the assembly of the moving box, one must also consider the work required to find available boxes. Unless, of course, you buy these boxes new. In which case 'work' enters the picture as 'work' is needed to earn money to pay for the outrageous prices.

3. New Roommates

Be it new family or craig's list favorite rentals, every move offers new company. Even if it's just the local spiders. Whatever the case, here the phrase "Bad Company Corrupts Good Character" often rings true. A bad roommate can cause mood swings even greater than the average menopausal mother of four! Because of this, many people look for de-stressers when forced to deal with the bad company on a daily basis. So please, my moving maniacs, watch your alcohol intake before, during or after a recent move.

4. Change of Address

OH YES, this moving category must not be forgotten... although it often is. Even the most nomadic of Jews knows the dire importance of telling friends where you are going next! (Yes, I can make a Jewish joke because I may be 25% Hungarian Jew. But that's another story). SO, where to go when it's time to put in that change of location? The post office? I THINK NOT! Long lines, Mapquest mishaps, and crying babies whose gender is yet to be determined await you at the post office. It's best, I think, to go online and change your address. Yes, it still is work for those of us suffering the long term effects of carpal tunnel....BUT, it's a whole Lake of Fire a lot better than driving to the post office.

I image that most of the above connotations of work are things most of the public just does not consider before deciding to move. Silly Americans. All we think of is the increase or decrease in the total cost of gas for our new commute to work. But today, America, I say to you this: think. Think of the workload moving requires. Then ask yourself if you really need an area closer to work, with better schools, less crime, a more comfortable climate, cheaper cost of living, or a new career. Think of the costs of shipping, storage, moving vans, hiring movers, travel expenses, time lost from work and deposit fees for your new home...TBC.