LA LA LA LA LA: I Can't Hear You!

The voices in my head told me a few things today. One was not to wake up. I did.

I really should have listened to the voices because I spent most of this day extremely tired. I'm not sure why seeing as I experienced a blissful 9 hours of sleep last night (proof that God does indeed exist!). As I finally crawled...no seriously, I actually crawled I was so sore and lazy....to my bathroom the voices told me to roll over and sleep. Again, I ignored them.

I took a shower hotter than a peep in a microwave, put on lots of muscle rub and splashed my face with cold water, but the voices still beckoned me back to bed.

In an effort to overcome their desires, I put on makeup, did my hair in a unique up-do (lots of bobby pins!) and ate a big breakfast. As I opened the front door to see the neighborhood stray cat on my porch, the voices began to persist that I listen to them. I gave the cat some milk and went back to my couch to lay down for 15 more precious minutes before work.
Besides a director's rude comment on my hair "that hairstyle is...interesting" *sigh* rehearsal was managable.

The voices seemed to disappear, that is until I sat down again! I almost fell asleep while eating lunch and listening to an afternoon lecture. The voices called out things like:

"just close your eyelids, you can still hear the lecture"
and
"your bed is super warm and cozy. In fact you can even plug in your heating-pad when you get there!"
and
"when do you ever take a break?"
or
"you won't make it through your afternoon Jazz rehearsal"

It's now 12:22am and those voices are still talking. Don't they ever need a nap of their own?! Probably so, but seeing as their sleep most likely coincides with my sleep...well...it's going to be awhile. I have been working on creating a registry. Apparently wedding registries need a few items on them before the engagement party... unless you want to end up with a million Welcome Mats. It's not immediate, but I'd love to get it out of the way before the next show weekend. The voices don't want me to. But I can block them out better than I could block out my dad during a family meeting (and that's saying a lot!). I'm not sure if it's a naturally God given gift, or aquired talent, but either way...I can't hear those voices anymore...

well...almost.
.

Colors of The Heart

December danced with your wishful smile, white
The next month came the “I love you’s”

February freed a poetic side, pink
While March created a newborn fool

April answered with a reminiscent moment, red
As May overwhelmed with balloons

June trampled a tender heart, transparent
And Today simply beckons old ruins.

-Author: Marielle H. Perrault

(I just submitted this for a poetry contest : )

Talking with Another Generation

Dear Diary,
I spoke with my grandma the other day. I hadn’t seen her since July, but she is always the same. It’s amazing how much I can read her. I know her so well I could probably have a conversation with myself by simply predicting what her replies might be if she were indeed there. It would probably go something like this...

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Me: “Grandma, you smell so good,” ….
G: “Oh I guess, if you like the smell of decay.”
Me: “Whatever. Give me a hug”
G: “Careful, my sternal wires are all that’s holding me together”
Me: “Ok”
G: “Sit down. As usual you are never letting your body rest, constantly running around”
Me: “Actually this weekend I’ve had only one dance class and no homework”
G: “Still I bet you didn’t sleep much either way. Can’t you even let your mind rest. No, not there…floors are covered with staph and strep”

Me: “they look clean to me”
G: “Why don’t u go share a seat with your brother. Joey scoot over for her.”
(Joey picks me up)
G: “Put her down. You will give yourself a hernia before you’re 16”
Me: “Oh he’s fine gram, he lifts weights at the Y every other day”
G: “Joey, I thought you hurt your back in football”

(Joey replies saying the physical therapist approved him to play again)

G: “Well of course he signed off for you. He’s a sadist like half of the country. Why do you think we let our boys go to Iraq? Our country likes watching the young suffer”

Me: (laughing) “Sure… I bet that’s the reason why. I mean after all that’s why Michael Jackson is still living with open doors”

G: “Someday that woman is going to see what happens when the sh** hits the fan”

Me: “Grandma, can I use the phone?”

G: “Do whatever you want. If you have the mind like half of my kids you already made up your mind before even waiting for my answer so it doesn’t matter either way”

Me: “I’ll take that as a yes”

G: “Darling there’s some strawberry shortcake I got for you in the fridge”

Me: “Awesome. Let’s see (begins placing the food on plates)… you want some Gram?”

G: “No. no no. I’m completely full. I just had some toast.”

Me: “Ok”

G: “Alright, I guess so. Just a sliver for me though”

Me: (cutting the shortcake…) “I knew you’d give in. You can’t resist sweets, can you?”
(looks over to see that the grumpy grandma is fast asleep in her chair)

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So diary, I guess my conversation with both you and G (grandma) has come to an end. I’m so worn out and just need some rest. I guess she was right… I do need rest. She can have a mean way of saying things at time, but I know she loves me. She’s been through a lot in her life, I’d probably be the same pessimist she is when she gets tired. My friends all love her. She is such the social butterfly and most caring person I know. She worked at the blind school for years, raised 6 children basically on her own, grew up in the orphanage with her numerous siblings and went from foster home to foster home and yet still she has all this love to give. To the stranger looking on, you’d think I’m insane, but she really is so sweet.

I think it is valuable to speak with people from other generations. My grandma is very wise and her stories tell me about a time much different from today. I look up to her as a pillar of strength and knowledge in our family. Every conversation with her is a dear memory which I savor and hope never to forget.

Media Planning: Marrying Freud and Einstein

I don't think I'd make a great Media Planner. They are in charge of deciding which Media is best for the target audience. Because of this, planners must know how/when/why people use media while also staying ahead of the trends. It seems like the least likely fit for me...

Why?

Well, two years ago, I'd just gotten an ipod, learned how to burn a CD and "right click" with a Mac mouse. This may result from a few variables, such as:

1. I'm already constantly listening to music in the car or dance studio.

2. Two years ago I still owned a PC.

3. I choose to spend the little free time I have writing, decopaging and decorating minature

dollhouses.

Looks like I'm a bit behind the times in my media/technology use ...wouldn't you say?

Creating trends, simple. Taking on trends others have...somewhat harder for me. Maybe this is due to my leader mentality. I often find myself in positions of leadership: leading a conversation, a club, an event. I'm always the one making plans. Perhaps if I became a bit more of a follower I would keep up on media trends better? I'm not sure why I'm "behind the media times" exactly...but I am.

(This is not to say I haven't already gotten an ipad and iphone;)

The least interesting part of Media work seemed to be how they gain insight to the consumer. Research reports, media diaries? Don't get me wrong, I know very little about this part of the industry, but that sounds boring to me. I feel guilty bashing their job since I haven't "walked in their shoes." However, as my brain just asked me to share the "least interesting part" it's acceptable to include of morsel of bashing right? I'm just listening following my heart. Errr...brain!

On that note, I am also not that into "analyzing data and entering it into spreadsheets." I know this is the lifeblood of the industry, however I rather not be part of this vital task. I once worked doing research as an advertising intern at Conrad Phillips Vutech. There I looked at the top ten children's hospitals nationwide. Lots of statistics and spreadsheets. Let's just say it was not my favorite cubicle.

Speaking of cubicles.... ahhhhh! How is one supposed to accomplish work in such an environment?! Ok. Calm Down Marielle. You can rant about that later. Back to Media.

Since I have talked endlessly about what I don't like, let me mention what I do like about Media. I like that Media Planners take the creative concept and marry data with psychographic information. That's so cool that they do that! It sounds difficult but also quite intriguing. I imagine it to be like disecting Einstein and Freud's brains and joining them together into one MASTER BRAIN!

Sorry about the caps. I got excited.

Anyway, the Media people are pretty hip. I'm just not an ahead of the times techie who loves data. I used to be in middle school. I was obsessed with computers back in the day. Wanted to be an engineer. Go to MIT.... Things change.

Often for the better : )

think. speak. think again.

A friend of mine had her bible stolen. What a thing to have stolen from you! She didn't know if she should feel angry it was taken or joyous that it is now in someone's hands who obviously needed it. The idea of sinning to become sinless went through my head. I can't think of many other examples where a sin (like theft) could actually help you become sinless. hm.

Besides this perplexity, I have also been thinking about the idea of losing to become a winner. The idea came up when I was playing my 11 year old cousin in checkers. The first game we played I let her win (hoping to build her self-confidence). I barely tried, and acted quite surprised when her piece would take mine on the board. Appearently she is too old not to notice. The next round she emulated me and began letting me win. At one point I said "are you going easy on me?" She bluffed that she wasn't and I won the game. The fact that my cousin and I both felt like winners when we let ourselves lose was a bizarre concept. Maybe when we practice self-less acts in life we are doing it for our own self-esteem. Self-less for self-esteem. Wow, I need to move on...

And yes, by the way, I did spell it "losing" and not "loosing." These two spellings are commonly "mispelled" (as is the word misspelled). The first, spelled losing, means "suffering a loss" and rhymes with oozing. The second, spelled loosing, means "to make loose" and rhymes with goosing. Yes, I may just be one of those English language freaks who feels angered when the TV news reporter says "We will return momentarily." As an English teacher of mine once pointed out, for anyone to accomplish this assurance they would have to leave and then come back for a moment and then leave again. That could make CNN so much more amusing :D

In conclusion, whether we are sinning to become sinless or losing 5 pounds so our pants will become loose,WORDS should be thought of before they're spoken out & WORDS can really make you think.

The moral of the long drawn out blog post (that may have just turned from rambling into having an actual point) is simply: THINK. SPEAK. THINK AGAIN.

hello. goodbye

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oh yes, I wanted to discuss what type of learner I am (according to Multiple Intelligences). As a dancer many would most likely think that bodily/kinestetic learning is my preferred mode of problem solving. Nevertheless, I tend to love linguistic problem solving and interpersonal understanding. As you can tell from the previous discussion in this entry about "Thinking and Speaking and Thinking again," ... I LOVE words! Moreover, I LOVE people : ) I am always acting as a leader and bridger in group situations.

uH Oh....I broke all 10 commandments. Solution: Jesus or Anti-depressents.

So in Bible study this week we are talking about the 10 commandments. My summary version goes something like this:

1 & 2. No other idols/gods
3. Don't use His name in vain
4. Keep Sabbath holy (rest!)
5. Honor your parents
6. Don't murder
7. Don't commit adultery
8. Don't steal
9. Don't lie
10. Don't covet

Going down this list I realized something. I have broken every single one of these commandments. #6 &7 sound pretty severe, but looking at Matthew 5:27 and 5:21... I realized I'm guilty of these as well ! Christ said even if we lust/fantasize in our mind we commit adultery...if we are angry with our neighbor we murder him.

Overall I am a...
Idolatrous
Disrespectful
Over-worked
Disobedient
Murderous
Thieving
Lying
Jealous
Whore

*Hear me out for a second and see where I am going with this*

Then we looked at Romans 6:23 "...for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord"

Thank goodness for Jesus' atonement or I'd be up Molasses Swamp without a paddle. It's a pretty hard concept for us humans to wrap our minds around the truth that someone died FOR us. I saw a video at church once where they took 10 kids to like New Zealand for a retreat. They lived on a farm and took care of this lamb the entire week (along with other animals). At the end of the week the farmer told the teens they would be killing the lamb. Many of them cried in horror at this news. Then the farmer related the lamb to Christ (aka "the sacrificial lamb"). It was like the most life changing video I've seen. Sometimes the reality of the crucifixion seems to disappear because Christians discuss Christ's death so often. I hope to change that nonchalance attitude. After all, I consider Him my Father who DIED so I could live eternally.

As a kid, you accept things as truth without much questioning. Accepting the biblical story was no problem for me. Yes Christ came, died and rose again. Issue for me, however, was that living eternally part. Questions arose...

What if I didn't want to live eternally?
What would I do with all that time?
What if my short attention span led to an eternity of boredom?
What would eternal clocks look like?
Is God's time like military time? If so, that's too complicated...

You get the idea. Anyway I realized around age 10 that I had two options. Possibly be bored in heaven, or be on fire in Hell. You can guess which option sat better with me (hint: I wasn't the neighborhood pyro).

So I guess bible study has led me this week to contemplate how much I really do deserve the brimstone and fire end of the spectrum AND how thankful I am for God's gift of eternal life. Now I am just wondering if the New Testament was never written...what anti-depressant I'd currently be taking.

Galatians 5:16-18
"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses."

Hello Toes.

Goodbye Toes.