I Webcam Stalked my Mom Today

Today I decided to watch my mother (via webcam) while she spoke on the phone. Seeing as this is an event I have viewed my entire life, I thought trying to mimic her might be interesting. Unlike the average American mom of four children, she does not pace around hurriedly on a cell phone when speaking, or relax in a comfy chair. Conversely, she is constantly switching positions as she lay on the floor. One moment she looks like a Muslim praying to Mecca, while the next second one might mistake her for being a woman participating in an elite level yoga class.

One big part of my mom is that she is very loud and big with her motions. Perhaps stemming from her previous theater roots, my mother’s laugh is so energetic that video tapes of my childhood show that when she laughed, I cried (startled at the noise)! My mom also is always doodling on her calendar or whatever she can find nearby. Never staring into space, she is always intently focused over some paper or another when speaking with someone. Perhaps her need for concentration and quiet when speaking causes her to go into her common “shell” position on the ground.

Additionally, my mom will let the rest of the family know when she is tired of talking on the phone through her facial motions. Widening her eyes or raising her brows are the most commonly used gestures. Nevertheless, the occasional pretending often comes in handy to pull herself away from the phone. My family is known for their lengthy over-analytical conversations, causing my mom the need to sometimes use excuses to end her conversation. It is my favorite part of her phone routine!

One final aspect of her speaking on the phone is not something I viewed this weekend, but a trait that I recall from my childhood. Somehow my mom always seemed to make her speaking on the phone into playtime. From allowing me to swing from the freezer door, to pretending she was speaking with the “local orphanage” concerning my acceptance, my mom is constantly using her imagination. Her ability to multi-task is not quite as evident as she’s gotten older. Instead she must focus on one thing at a time when she is on the phone.

MOVING.

The implications are numerous. Each concluding with the final connotation of WORK.

1. A Garage Sale

Who doesn't love earning side cash by simply getting rid of old junk? A garage sale, however, is much more than a chance to earn it when you curb it (as I like to say). It's profiting off those pesky neighbors whose dog barks until 2am! It brings bartering across the Mexican-American border. Garage sales even may help you achieve your summer tan early. But, perhaps the most important aspect to consider, a garage sale is work.

Going through ALL of your belongings can take days! Only to find what you thought they were worth is questionable according to Ebay. Then there are the stickers and sharpie markings that follow; not to forget the careful arranging of "Sale at 5311 University" signs. Yes, in the end, all your planning may prove fruitful. Or, if you are like me, the only attendee that makes a purchase happens to also need that Census information you forgot to turn in.

2. Lots of Boxes

Sure, boxes are handy for transporting your stuff. From the awful candle holders that earn a box spot under the category of "family heirloom," to that dress that looks so good you don't dare wear it out of the house, boxes are a necessity to moving. Nevertheless, moving boxes are quite the diabolical necessity. Moving boxes will not move easily; it takes years of training and great dedication to master their deceptive charms.

By age 12, a fitting age for one's first move as the ability to accept change grows, one masters the folding of the box. Next, at age 18, it's off to college; one discovers how to best pack a box. The next stage in the moving life cycle is the taping of the box. Here the cunning scheme of the box itself begins.An approximate age is difficult to pin down as this stage can continue for decades. While some box theorists may argue taping is a simple level in box comprehension, many of us know full well the opposite as truth. The likelihood of taping a box down is dependent on three factors: finding of the tape on the roll, cutting the tape, and, finally, avoiding sticking the tape to something else (before initial box contact).

In addition to the aforementioned work surrounding the assembly of the moving box, one must also consider the work required to find available boxes. Unless, of course, you buy these boxes new. In which case 'work' enters the picture as 'work' is needed to earn money to pay for the outrageous prices.

3. New Roommates

Be it new family or craig's list favorite rentals, every move offers new company. Even if it's just the local spiders. Whatever the case, here the phrase "Bad Company Corrupts Good Character" often rings true. A bad roommate can cause mood swings even greater than the average menopausal mother of four! Because of this, many people look for de-stressers when forced to deal with the bad company on a daily basis. So please, my moving maniacs, watch your alcohol intake before, during or after a recent move.

4. Change of Address

OH YES, this moving category must not be forgotten... although it often is. Even the most nomadic of Jews knows the dire importance of telling friends where you are going next! (Yes, I can make a Jewish joke because I may be 25% Hungarian Jew. But that's another story). SO, where to go when it's time to put in that change of location? The post office? I THINK NOT! Long lines, Mapquest mishaps, and crying babies whose gender is yet to be determined await you at the post office. It's best, I think, to go online and change your address. Yes, it still is work for those of us suffering the long term effects of carpal tunnel....BUT, it's a whole Lake of Fire a lot better than driving to the post office.

I image that most of the above connotations of work are things most of the public just does not consider before deciding to move. Silly Americans. All we think of is the increase or decrease in the total cost of gas for our new commute to work. But today, America, I say to you this: think. Think of the workload moving requires. Then ask yourself if you really need an area closer to work, with better schools, less crime, a more comfortable climate, cheaper cost of living, or a new career. Think of the costs of shipping, storage, moving vans, hiring movers, travel expenses, time lost from work and deposit fees for your new home...TBC.